...Burning Star IV

 my blog says i haven't posted in 10 days...

yeah, i believe that...

WARNING! : This post will be going on serveral different tangents at once, and is by no means in a chronological order of events. this may lead to, but is not limited to, massive confusion, head aches, disorentation, and a general feeling of contempt for bloggers everywhere. consider yourself warned, and talk to your doctors if you experiance these symptoms, or are schizoid, prone to injury, or are taking high blood pressure medication.

so, JEBUS, do i have alot to bring you guys up to speed on... first and foremost, THE CONCERT!!! holy jesus, was that the best night of my life or what?!?!?! A7X rocked out like a motherfucker, i'm sure i will NEVER see another performance like that as long as i live!!! for the first time in my life, i was DEEP in a moshpit, with no way out but up... it was like, everyone was standing there, with plenty of room, waiting for A7X to come out, and suddenly, in the space immediately around me, i have about 10 people... i mean, i was in physical contact with ten people!!! it was INTENSE! and just when i thought is couldn't get better, i decided to take the trip up top, and had my friend webby pick me up and throw me out on top of the pit!!! i surfed my way to the front, and god was it fantastic!!!

but that was just A7X's performance... then came the Coheed and Cambria show that i've been pining for forever now!!! and dammit if it wasn't worth the wait :) they played ever single song i wanted to hear... it was amazing... there indeed was a 14 foot tall guillotine with wings at the end of the set... it was rolled out during the 15-20 minutes of soloing between travis and claudio while the played "The Final Cut".... they totally kicked ass, claudio was doing some insane guitar tricks too, playing behind his head, playing with his teeth, hell, he even picked up a prop off the stage and played with it (it was a chunk of white picket fence that was about as big as he was)... i'm sure it didn't sound that great, but it was just fucking impressive!

i don't have my tattoo yet, but i will soon enough, and believe me, it's a tattoo dedicated to the greatest musical performance i've ever witnessed...

i finally paid my debt to the school, and now i'm broke until friday... and i mean BROKE... i have about $3 in my checking account... lol... but i mowed a few lawns on saturday, and got enough money to get me by until then.

i've been extremely nostalgic these past two weeks, and i blame the radio station at work... it's been playing songs that i haven't heard since i was a freshman... i'm talking, chart toppers from the late 90's... songs i grew up with, i have so many memories attached to those songs, it's unbelieveable... so, through the miracles of the internet, in about thirty minutes, i had thirty of my all time favorite classics... damn, that just makes me sound old, but these songs are 8+ years old... and i still love them!!!

so i got these songs, and went to put them on 2 CDs... i placed them into two playlists at random, and while reading through the song titles, i started thinking about each song, and their meanings, and i thought of a fucking rock-opera type story that fits the songs!!! it kept me up till about 6 am last night (yesterday morning) typing it up, it's just a rough draft right now, but i just couldn't believe that i got this sixAM brainchild out of nowhere...

also, tonight, i played with my camera for an hour or so, and produced a new set of pics, which i haven't done in a long time... they are up on my webshot's page, which i have linked on the right, check em out and lemme know what you think!!! they are in an album called "Eagles and Berettas", hopefully the name doesn't give it away... but i just had fun playing with the tools in photoshop again, so enjoy!!!

i beat NFSU2 earlier today... with a fleet of nissans! i started with a 240SX SE (VERY similar to BacardiBreezer's friend joey's new ride!!!), moved up to a Sentra SE, traded that in for a 350Z, and in my finale, of course, i traded up for a Skyline GT-R!!! it was pretty sweet, cranking out 495 horses, and getting to 60 in 2.4 seconds... but the end of the game was, shall we say, anti-climatic at best... oh well, i beat it, that's anther one under my belt!

i think i covered everything... sorry to all those who miss my regular posts, i'm just super busy with shit... i do have a myspace page now, www.myspace.com/keywork716 , so be sure to stop by there and leave me lovin... and the same goes for here too, i still like getting comments!!!

untill next time,

BHC

 so, who's confused by my last post?

ha! good, i figured if i'm not gonna be around on here as much as i used to, i'd at least give you guys a riddle to figure out in the meantime... of course, that wasn't really a riddle, but actually a serious problem i'm having right now, and although i'm not nearly as concerned about it today as i was when i wrote that post, it's still bugging me...

aside from that, i've got computer problems... lol surprise there! well, really, it's not much of a computer problem anymore, it's more or less a money issue now (another shocker!)... point being, about two weeks ago, my sis's desktop started crashing frequently... this is a desktop that was given to her by me, mind you, when i got the everloving piece of shit laptop i have now... i don't know what really moved me, but i sat down tonight, and gave it whatfor, and a good thrashing (that means, while formatting it, i swore at it alot), and now the little fugger works... sometimes... lol, i was still experiancing the same crashing problems my sis was, only i was noticing a warning box popping up after the reboot, saying the the Video Card, which i installed myself, and had problems with from day one, was to blame for the crash... my sis tells me that's the error that's been popping up the whole time...

fucking duh, why didn't you tell ME this?!??!?!

i could've fixed it straight away at that point... so anyhow, it's running on it's onboard vidcard for now, untill i get about $70 and pop a new one in it... should run better than my laptop does, but that's not saying much... my laptop runs like an asmatic kitten that's just run the new york marathon... anyhow, while it was functioning, i was able to put Morrowind on it, and play a bit (before it's first crash), and it ran every bit as fast as my mom's uber-computer, so i think i'm actually content with it as a suitable replacement for now, until the summer, when i roll in the big checks :)

and now, this evening, i bring you another enigmatic piece of my brain-thoughts, fresh and ready for you to pick it apart...

so i'm still sort of waiting for you to make your move... i bent the rules, i went out of turn, and i think the results show that i'm glad i didn't wait too long... but on waiting, i'll still be here... i'll wait till summer comes, be it this one, or the next... sometimes i just want to tell you what's plaguing me... and the devil on my shoulder is telling me to do just that, but the angel is telling me to hold me tounge, and wait for it to come to me...

tell me, who do you listen to? would you want to know what's inside my head? would it help us, or hurt us? would telling you this change every aspect of every other moment we spend? would you even care?

what do i do now?

BHC

 somethings's not right... i mean, i don't feel quite right... again, emotionally here, not physically... well, that's not entirely true either... i do feel sick.. i feel like i've worried myself sick over something that i'm not even sure i need to be worried about just yet... and i'm preemptively coming up with solutions to problems i might not even have to face, and it's just all this extra stress and shit...

goddammit, this is complicated...

i can't help that i'm fucking impatient... i get it from my father... and i don't want to seem pushy, so i'll wait... doesn't mean i can't torture myself while i do it... so i sit here, and i think, "ok, you're waiting... basically waiting for them to make the next move..." it's like chess... i've run my opening gambit, and now my turn is over... plain in simply, it's in the fucking rulebook, the player is permitted one move per turn... it's simple, really... so why am i complicating things with this mind fuck shit?

this is so fucking complicated...

it's one thing to admit that you get youself into these kinds of predicaments, but to have someone else ask you why you always seem to land in spots like this, is something entirely different... it opens your eyes, smacks you in the face, says "hey fucker, wake up and smell the bullshit, this is happening to you AGAIN" i don't want it to happen again, at this point, i'd just be happy if it was over... it's not knowing that's killing me... that's generally my weakness... ignorance... i have to know, now sooner than later, if at all possible, and i have to rig the deck as best as i can to sway the outcome in my favor, right?

complicated motherfucker...

but no... no i do not have to have control here... i have to let it go to someone else eventually, better to give it up now, before i give it a name, and get attached to it... yes, i have to just wait my turn, and pray for the best, i have to... you can't just sit there and torture yourself over it either, you know... you gotta pick the gun up, put it to your head, and play roulette with the bullet called life every so often... you can't control that... either the bullet's in the chamber, or it isn't... either you live to see another day, or you spatter your brains on the wall... hey, it happens, and it's fucking life... you got to learn to deal with this shit...

no matter how complicated it gets...

"so keep the gun oiled and the temple clean,
shit, snort and blaspheme
let the heads cool and the engine run...
because in the end everything we do
is just everything we've done"

so there... the king's gambit run...

make your move.

BHC