it's fucking complicated...
somethings's not right... i mean, i don't feel quite right... again, emotionally here, not physically... well, that's not entirely true either... i do feel sick.. i feel like i've worried myself sick over something that i'm not even sure i need to be worried about just yet... and i'm preemptively coming up with solutions to problems i might not even have to face, and it's just all this extra stress and shit...
goddammit, this is complicated...
i can't help that i'm fucking impatient... i get it from my father... and i don't want to seem pushy, so i'll wait... doesn't mean i can't torture myself while i do it... so i sit here, and i think, "ok, you're waiting... basically waiting for them to make the next move..." it's like chess... i've run my opening gambit, and now my turn is over... plain in simply, it's in the fucking rulebook, the player is permitted one move per turn... it's simple, really... so why am i complicating things with this mind fuck shit?
this is so fucking complicated...
it's one thing to admit that you get youself into these kinds of predicaments, but to have someone else ask you why you always seem to land in spots like this, is something entirely different... it opens your eyes, smacks you in the face, says "hey fucker, wake up and smell the bullshit, this is happening to you AGAIN" i don't want it to happen again, at this point, i'd just be happy if it was over... it's not knowing that's killing me... that's generally my weakness... ignorance... i have to know, now sooner than later, if at all possible, and i have to rig the deck as best as i can to sway the outcome in my favor, right?
complicated motherfucker...
but no... no i do not have to have control here... i have to let it go to someone else eventually, better to give it up now, before i give it a name, and get attached to it... yes, i have to just wait my turn, and pray for the best, i have to... you can't just sit there and torture yourself over it either, you know... you gotta pick the gun up, put it to your head, and play roulette with the bullet called life every so often... you can't control that... either the bullet's in the chamber, or it isn't... either you live to see another day, or you spatter your brains on the wall... hey, it happens, and it's fucking life... you got to learn to deal with this shit...
no matter how complicated it gets...
"so keep the gun oiled and the temple clean,
shit, snort and blaspheme
let the heads cool and the engine run...
because in the end everything we do
is just everything we've done"
so there... the king's gambit run...
make your move.
BHC
posted by: bacardibreezer (reply)
post date: 04.03.06 (5:00 am)
what is going on? I think I missed something...
anyway, I've always believed you make the choices that put you where you are in your life...it doesnt just happen to you...
posted by: allygirl (reply)
post date: 04.03.06 (9:04 am)
i did too.....i have absolutely no idea what all that was about....but i only have one thing to say....you confused me loser...... and i have hiccups damn it.......
posted by: allygirl (reply)
post date: 04.03.06 (9:04 am)
oh and yea what she said (angie)
posted by: bhcorpse047 (reply)
post date: 04.03.06 (7:48 pm)
Reply to: allygirl
like i said... it's fucking complicated...
and go stand on your head for 15 minutes while drinking a glass of water and humming the national anthem.... personally, i've never tried it, but i hear it's a cureall for hiccups
posted by: bhcorpse047 (reply)
post date: 04.03.06 (7:51 pm)
Reply to: bacardibreezer
you have missed something, but that's cuz i haven't told you about it yet, silly...
you make an intresting point... and i have to agree with you... it's just that i keep choosing to do the things that make this "happen to me"...
see? complicated...
posted by: allygirl (reply)
post date: 04.04.06 (8:14 am)
bleh...too much thinking, not my thing....i prefer wreckless abandon myself....and maybe if you chose the right things to begin with, it (what ever it is) wouldnt be happening to you.....loser...lol....and i cant stand on my head it hurts....but i did drink water upside down...and they stopped thanks anyways though.....*hugs*
posted by: StJimmy (reply)
post date: 04.04.06 (8:42 pm)
Seeing as I'm the only one on this site that knows what's "complicated" I'll give you my advice. aproach the problem and talk it out. I know you can be a commitee all to yourself so it shouldn't be too hard. And seing as this is a serious subject I'll leave the "ignorance is my weakness" joke unmentioned....except for that...
-J.
posted by: StJimmy (reply)
post date: 04.04.06 (8:44 pm)
Seeing as I'm the only one on this site that knows what's "complicated" I'll give you my advice. aproach the problem and talk it out. I know you can be a commitee all to yourself so it shouldn't be too hard. And seing as this is a serious subject I'll leave the "ignorance is my weakness" joke unmentioned....except for that...
-J.
posted by: smashednstoned (reply)
post date: 04.05.06 (5:47 pm)
Reply to: bhcorpse047
This might sound weird but even though i know ive missed something coz you obviously havnt named this yet but i think i understand i little.
Are you absolutly sure when u say you keep choosing to do the things that make this " happen to you"
Is it possible that this is going to happen no matter what, or that its not your choices its something else.
Just wondering you know
posted by: allygirl (reply)
post date: 04.06.06 (7:23 pm)
Reply to: smashednstoned
lol...no he really is bad at that kind of stuff....you should see this guy pick out clothes....lol...jk brandon....*hugs*....
Contact me on AOL Instant Messanger: Beatnheartcorpse
